Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Throwback Wednesday: On Being King of the Valley

This is the Roanoker's 2000 Almanac issue, the one that vented our fears of the Y2K meltdown that didn't happen. It also featured a new monthly piece by somebody local called "If I Ran the Valley." I was asked to do the first one. It was promoted on the cover (left).

The photo at the top is a Poloroid from the photo session with Doug Miller at the Mill Mountain Star of me. I have no idea why I was backed by the star (since I really don't like it much), but that was the deal.

Inside, I offered, among other things: that Elm Avenue traffic problems would be solved (that's in the process today); that APCo would begin burying power lines (ain't happening); that smoking would be banned in public places (partial success); that cafeteria-selection cable TV would be offered (nope); that governments would be consolidated in the area (who's kidding whom?); that we'd run off "two-bit, provincial, arrogant, bumpkin politician[s]", but instead, we added Morgan Griffith, Bob Goodlatte and Al Bedrosian; downtown traffic would be made two way (yep); that I-81 be widened by four more lanes (hardly); new commercial development would cease until old buildings were used (no); we'd fund the arts publicly (hell no!); that David Bowers "would be sent to his room until he grows up" (he's still out there, still grabbing microphones); that we'd tear down the star and put up a 100-foot banjo (heh, heh, heh ...); we'd institute Asheville-envy recovery classes; and I'd get it done snap-pop.


  1. شركة نقل عفش بالرياض وجدة والدمام والخبر والجبيل اولقطيف والاحساء والرياض وجدة ومكة المدينة المنورة والخرج والطائف وخميس مشيط وبجدة افضل شركة نقل عفش بجدة نعرضها مجموعة الفا لنقل العفش بمكة والخرج والقصيم والطائف وتبوك وخميس مشيط ونجران وجيزان وبريدة والمدينة المنورة وينبع افضل شركات نقل الاثاث بالجبيل والطائف وخميس مشيط وبريدة وعنيزو وابها ونجران المدينة وينبع تبوك والقصيم الخرج حفر الباطن والظهران
    شركة نقل عفش بجدة
    شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة
    شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض
    شركة نقل عفش بالدمام
    شركة نقل عفش بالطائف
    شركة نقل عفش بمكة
    شركة نقل عفش بينبع